i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
