when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
