I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
