honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
