This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
