I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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