just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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