You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
