I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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