Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
