it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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