Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
