I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
