I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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