The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
me + whiskey = a bad person
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
