So drunk its hurt
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
