My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
