I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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