I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
