Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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