Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize