woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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