She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
