well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
