It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
