Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
