I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
