I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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