if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
