if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
