new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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