Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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