OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
