I can tuck mytits in my pants
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
