is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
