She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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