my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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