Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
