That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I am midnight drunk by noon
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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