My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
