I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
