we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
