Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
