hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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