we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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