I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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