Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
