dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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