Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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