I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
