swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
