I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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