no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just want nice things and good sex
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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